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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24524227">twilight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamcas/pseuds/dreamcas'>dreamcas</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Wanna One (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>96z, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Wanna One Members, Nielhwan, daengdu, set in 2020 but was written in 2018</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:54:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,399</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24524227</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamcas/pseuds/dreamcas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>in 2020, jaehwan wakes up at dawn to find his heart in pieces as he's reminded of what used to be.</p><p>he decides to give his best friend a call and together, they briefly go back to the days when the eleven of them were one.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kang Daniel &amp; Kim Jaehwan, Kang Daniel/Kim Jaehwan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>twilight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this was originally posted on asianfanfics in early 2018 under the same title and a different author name; the original is still up, and this is a retouched version, two years and a half later.</p><p>i didn't want to change so much of the initial story because it's my precious baby, only adjustments to grammar, sentence structure, etc. were made so the content is still based on my expectations of the future from 2018. what's mentioned in this story's version of 2020 may not be accurate with what's happening in the real 2020.</p><p>this is pretty short and it's definitely not my improved work, but i love it SO much i need it to be here on my ao3 account.</p><p>also bc i'm desperate for nielhwan content. 2020 sux</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em>inspired by and based on the lyrics from wanna one's twilight</em>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Produce 101 was hell.</p><p> </p><p>To the viewers who could only witness the aired drama and fancy performances, it was a place where trainees could either make it or break it. A place for them for to gain recognition to hopefully have a more successful debut. But for the trainees themselves? It was absolute hell. Despite the memories they made and the genuine friends they gained, none of them would ever want to relive those four harsh months of intense competition and premature television exposure; the latter having caused a lot of trouble for some poor young boys, who appeared in the wrong way to the public, and fell victim to MNet's evil editing.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes Jaehwan found it hilarious that he actually participated. He had actually taken part in an idol trainee survival show, in spite of all his lacking qualifications. He was a boy who only knew singing and could not dance to save his own life; a boy who dreamt to be the lead vocalist of a rock band, not the main vocalist of a K-pop group; a boy who had sacrificed too much and had cried too many tears to give up, leading him to make the drastic decision of signing up for the competition that he <em>knew, </em>he <em>hoped</em>, was going to be his turning point in life.</p><p> </p><p>He believed that he was a fool for having believed that winning on the televised singing contest—<em>God's Voice</em> was the name—was going to be his breakthrough. After the momentary glam and glory of having beaten even a professional singer, his life had unfortunately returned to the way it used to be. He was back to his one-bedroom apartment with his aging parents, still with their financial struggles and the pain of seeing their only son unable to get through with his dreams.</p><p> </p><p>By joining Produce 101 as an independent trainee, it was his last shot at making it big.</p><p>He put everything on the line for this final chance.</p><p> </p><p>At the end of the show, the one-hundred and one trainees were reduced to twenty and eleven contestants with the most votes would be considered the lucky ones to make it into the project group named Wanna One. As he stood among the other boys, hearing name by name being called, none of which were his, Jaehwan had no regrets. He was satisfied enough with how far he had come. He was content.</p><p> </p><p>He could still recall the emotions that had surged through him when BoA announced his name as fourth place—he couldn't believe his ears.</p><p> </p><p> "Me? <em>Me</em>? Really?" he had repeated over and over to his friends, his supposed competitors, who immediately responded by attacking him with proud hugs and pats on the back. He could hear the entire auditorium screaming and cheering for him, and even when he fell into his seat, a large 4 embedded on the chair, he still felt like it was all just a dream.</p><p> </p><p>And indeed it was, for dreams could only last for so long.</p><p>He would soon have to wake up.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaehwan's eyes opened in a flash as he was rudely awakened by his phone alarm. He stretched his arm out to grab his phone resting on the pillow beside his and held back a tired groan upon seeing that it was five thirty in the morning. It wasn't like he wasn't used to this—the reason he set it so early after all was because he received inspiration better at dawn, but at this very moment, he wasn't in the mood to write any songs or even think of making music. He just finished his comeback, after all.</p><p> </p><p>Slowly, he sat up in his queen-sized bed, staring at his bedroom wall that was dimly lit by his nightlight. He didn't know what it was, but a familiar emotion was wrapping itself around him and the pin-drop silence made it worse. He was alone in his studio apartment—far more luxurious than he would have ever imagined—while his parents were tucked away in a nice home he had bought for them last year.</p><p> </p><p>Alone.</p><p>He was alone.</p><p>That was when he realised what was bothering him.</p><p> </p><p>It had been exactly a year and a week since the disbandment. Since Jaehwan stopped being Wanna One's Jaehwan and was now simply Kim Jaehwan. One year and one week since he had to let go of his ten brothers as they all had their respective paths to continue trudging down.</p><p> </p><p>They were a project group. Project groups were a ticking time bomb, not meant to last forever.</p><p> </p><p>After spending a whole year and a half sharing a house—no, it was a <em>home</em>—with them, Jaehwan was so empty without their presence.</p><p> </p><p>He missed waking up to the sounds of Jihoon and Woojin ganging up on Seongwu. He missed being nagged by Minhyun and getting told to shut up by Guanlin. He missed impromptu karaoke nights with Sungwoon and teasing Jisung with Daniel. He missed writing songs with little Daehwi and pinching his cheeks, and no matter how much he hated excessive forms of skinship, he missed clingy Jinyoung who ambushed him with hugs all day long.</p><p> </p><p>He missed them, although they had separated such a long time ago.</p><p>He missed them, even when they talked through their KakaoTalk group chat every day. He missed them, even when they had random meet-ups every other weekend.</p><p> </p><p>He missed them so much because they weren't just his temporary bandmates.</p><p> </p><p>They were his family, a family he found so hard to let go of. Sometimes one of their songs would come up on shuffle and Jaehwan would have to skip it, unwilling to reminisce on what was once his.</p><p> </p><p>Breathing deeply, Jaehwan decided that it wasn't a good time for him to be alone. He needed someone to talk to before he went crazy and he needed not just anyone, but someone in particular. He reached for his phone, going straight ahead to #3 on speed dial (#1 and #2 were reserved for his father and mother respectively) and was half-expecting his call to be left unanswered.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone knew Kang Daniel could sleep through an apocalypse.</p><p> </p><p>Hee was very much surprised when Daniel picked up, obvious shuffling heard on his side of the line. A pleasant, much needed surprise.</p><p> </p><p> "Oh, Hwanie?" a hoarse voice greeted him.</p><p> </p><p> "Hey," Jaehwan smiled though he knew Daniel couldn't see it. "You're up?"</p><p> </p><p>Daniel hummed in response. "I've got a schedule in like two hours. What's wrong? Are you drunkdialing me?"</p><p> </p><p> "First of all, that happened <em>one </em>time," Jaehwan scoffed. "And I'm not drunk right now, not yet, at least. Can we meet up? Just for a little bit?"</p><p> </p><p>A few quiet seconds passed, nearly making Jaehwan nervous. When Daniel's reply finally came, he released the breath he didn't even know he was holding in.</p><p> </p><p> "Alright," Daniel agreed. "I'll see you in a half an hour's time."</p><p> </p><p> "Our usual spot?"</p><p> </p><p> "Of course."</p><p> </p><p>Their 'usual spot' was nothing more than a drama-like cliché hide-out for couples—out by the banks of Han River, with a full view of the bridge and soothing sounds of the waves. Jaehwan couldn't pinpoint how or when exactly it became a special place for Daniel and himself, but he did remember that it was where they shared many personal memories.</p><p> </p><p>It was where they talked for hours during a day off. It was where they rested after their skateboarding date. It was where he had quietly cried on Daniel's shoulder after Jisung's military enlistment.</p><p> </p><p>Jaehwan fixed his gaze on the bright coloured lights decorating the bridge across him. Huh Gak's emotional ballad <em>Only You </em>was playing from his phone, setting a rather sentimental mood, especially when he noted that the song's music video featured an old friend of his. Seongwu was still as close to him as he was three years ago; in fact, they were going to see each other for lunch that Saturday.</p><p> </p><p>It was the memory that hurt, the memory that Seongwu starred in the music video as Wanna One's Seongwu.</p><p>Not soloist and rising actor Ong Seongwu, the independent celebrity he was now.</p><p> </p><p>Truthfully, not a day passed where Jaehwan didn't thank his lucky stars for the big break Produce 101 had blessed him with. Not just for his own success, he was grateful on his brothers' behalf as well. Although some of them had yet to make their official debut, it didn't stop them from receiving love calls to make an appearance as a cameo in a drama or a guest on a variety show.</p><p>Like Kang Daniel, the second most influential public figure in South Korea of 2017, was still considered a trainee yet the nation adored him like the years never changed.</p><p> </p><p> "Jjaeni?"</p><p> </p><p><em>Speak of the devil</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Jaehwan turned around upon hearing his endeared nickname called and immediately locked gazes with a clearly exhausted Daniel. Even so, his best friend's warm smile stretched from ear to ear, reminding Jaehwan of the youthful and always energetic Daniel he had first met when they were both just twenty years old.</p><p> </p><p>It was probably the lost, faraway look on Jaehwan's face that caused the drop of Daniel's lips, his cheery expression replaced by genuine concern. He sat down beside Jaehwan and comfortably slung an arm around the older's shoulder. He smiled again, only this time it was to assure him that whatever could be on Jaehwan's mind, Daniel was there.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Of course, Daniel's always been there.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> "It feels like it's been ages since I last you. Did you put on weight?" Daniel joked to brighten the atmosphere.</p><p> </p><p> "Very funny." Jaehwan muttered, holding up a palm against his naturally puffy cheek.</p><p> </p><p> "Anyways," Daniel chuckled. "What's up with you? I didn't expect you to miss me this soon after spending New Year's eve together."</p><p> </p><p>Jaehwan paused the current song playing, his lips firmly pressed together, a lifelong habit that appeared whenever he was thinking too much or whenever something was greatly bugging him. Daniel recognised it, but he held back from commenting. He didn't want to push Jaehwan any further, though he had quite a strong feeling that he knew what this was all about.</p><p> </p><p>Daniel would know because he felt the same way.</p><p> </p><p> "I miss us," Jaehwan's voice was soft. Like a child that was too scared to speak. "I miss everything about us."</p><p> </p><p> "Me too." Daniel hummed.</p><p> </p><p> "I know it's been a year, it's been so long and I'm supposed to move on, but I just can't. I really can't."</p><p> </p><p> "Trust me, none of us can. Not even Sungwoon or Minhyun."</p><p> </p><p>Ha Sungwoon and Hwang Minhyun shared one particular thing in common: they were both already debuted idols when they participated in Produce 101. Rather than to introduce themselves to the public, they joined the show as means to save their careers—and it worked.</p><p> </p><p>A small smile appeared on Jaehwan's face. "But I'm so happy that they got to go back to their families, you know. I just miss <em>our</em> family."</p><p> </p><p> "We're still a family. We still are, we always be. Nothing can change that." Daniel said sternly.</p><p> </p><p>The moment his eyes were focused on the bridge, he heard a sniff. Immediately, he panicked and his first instinct was to pull Jaehwan into a tight, albeit clumsy hug. Neither of them were big on physical affection, especially with each other, so it was rather awkward.</p><p>But as silence crawled in, only accompanied by the sounds of Jaehwan's hiccups, they both knew they needed this.</p><p> </p><p> "I'm miserable, Niel," Jaehwan cried into the younger boy's shoulder. "Sometimes I sit alone in my waiting room and I almost call out to you guys. It's not just that I'm used to having you around, I <em>need </em>you around. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I can't let go of Wanna One. I really can't."</p><p> </p><p>Daniel had never seen Jaehwan like this; so crestfallen. It broke his heart, as if his heart wasn't broken already.</p><p> </p><p> "There's nothing wrong with you, what are you saying?" he calmly patted Jaehwan's shoulder, biting his lip to prevent his own tears from falling. "It's hard, it's very hard, but it's okay to feel the way you do, it's fine. It's totally fine. It's okay, Jjaeni, it's okay."</p><p> </p><p>Jaehwan found no strength to reply. They remained that way for a while, quiet and comfortable, Jaehwan in Daniel's loose embrace. It was the coldest month of winter, yet at that exact time, they felt the warmest they had ever been. No words were exchanged; they simply appreciated one another's much needed company.</p><p> </p><p>Unfortunately, their little alone time was only for a moment. They were interrupted by the vibration of Daniel's phone. Said man reluctantly pulled his arms off Jaehwan, reaching for the phone inside his pocket with a sigh.</p><p> </p><p> "Sorry, Jaehwanie," Daniel's head dropped. "My manager's calling."</p><p> </p><p>Jaehwan offered him an assuring pat on the back, nodding. "Go. Do well. Make us proud, yeah?"</p><p> </p><p> "I will." Daniel got up, brushing the back of his trousers. "By the way, Jisung has a day off sometime around his birthday and will be coming home. How about the eleven of us meet up to celebrate? Just us, like old times."</p><p> </p><p> "I'd love that." Jaehwan whispered.</p><p> </p><p>As Daniel adjusted his coat and turned around to leave, Jaehwan tapped his leg.</p><p> </p><p> "Hey, Niel?"</p><p> </p><p> "What?"</p><p> </p><p> "Thanks," Jaehwan said with a hint of a smile. "And I love you."</p><p> </p><p>Daniel laughed. "Isn't it too early in the morning for a confession?"</p><p> </p><p>He ruffled Jaehwan's hair, an affectionate gesture he used to do whenever Wanna One won first place on music show or whenever something good was awaiting them. Just like that, he didn't have to say <em>I love you too </em>for Jaehwan to know it.</p><p> </p><p> "I'll see you soon." Daniel promised, and with that, he was gone.</p><p> </p><p>Jaehwan didn't leave right after Daniel. Instead, he sat by himself, watching the sky change from a twilight blue to a warm shade of orange while the sun began to make its presence known. He closed his eyes, feeling the same pain that hit him just a couple of hours ago.</p><p> </p><p>It was already a new day, but Daniel was gone. He had none of the other boys with him. He was alone all over again.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i'll always remember your name.<br/>wanna one.<br/>wannables.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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